You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
