I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
