there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
