Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
