Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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