Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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