The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
