where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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