If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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