$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
