I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
