We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
