Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
