He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
