Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
