It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
