I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
