I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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