She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
