my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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