dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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