I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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