When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
