I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
