my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
