Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
