Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
