It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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