i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
