You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They have beer where we have blood.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
