Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
