you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
