Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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