I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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