So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
