She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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