The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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