i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
