Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
