Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
