Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
