Need sex. Gaining weight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
