I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
