i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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