He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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