He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
