My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
