New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
