i don't like sucking hair
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
