Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
